Howdy Guys,
I am Back....this time with one I used to tell.
This String walks into a bar, sits down and the bartender says "Hey, get out of here, we dont serve
your type".
The String gets up and leaves. After he gets out of the bar he walks down the alley beside the bar and two thugs beat him up, fray his ends and tie him into a knot.
He staggers back into the bar, sits down and the bartender says "Hey, arent you that string that was in here a minute ago?" The String says "No Sir, I am
A FRAYED KNOT. 
lol
This Termite walks into a bar and asks "Where is the bar
tender?"
Did you hear about the baby fur seal that walked into a
club?
A woman had a contractor come to give her an estimate on painting the rooms in her house. The Man came in the house and the woman said "I was thinking we could paint the living room a light sky blue". The man said "sure, no problem". He then walked over to the window, raised it, stuck his head out and yelled "Green side up!". The woman thought this strange but said nothing.
They went into the next room which was the dining room. She said "I was thinking a nice cheery color, maybe a sunrise yellow". The man said "sure, no problem". He then went to the window, raised it and yelled "Green side up!" Again the woman looked at him and again she said nothing.
They walked upstairs to the bedroom. The woman said "I was thinking about a nice soft pink for this room". The man said "Sure, no problem". Then walked to the window, raised it, and yelled "Green side up!"
Well this time the woman looked at him and then said, "Why do you stick your head out of my window and yell "Green side up!" each time I tell you what color I want to paint a room? The man said "Oh, being a contractor, I have several jobs going at once, I have a crew of blondes over at the house across the street laying sod.
Ok, I got a million of em' and thats just 4 of em' only 999,99
6 to go. lol Have a good day all, Greg aka GW