FS Gilbert

Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elder woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me! You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think that you are a big shot when you haven't got the brains to realize that you'll never be anything but a two bit paper pusher! Yes...I know you!"
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
"Why yes, I do!", she relied. "I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three other women. Come to think of it, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died right there!
The judge called both councelors to approach the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said, "If either of you two SOBs asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry a$$e$ in jail for contempt!"