VooDoo

Jades week in the house - Thanks to Scoobynet

Jade's Week
(ripped from the Times)

Monday
I’m in the kitchen in the Big Bruvver Haaahs, an’ I’m drinkin’ a cup of Oxo cube tea. Everybody is trying to talk, but I ain’t listening. I’m trying to work sumfink aaht.



The fing what I don’t get, yeah, is taps. Coz there’s all this water in there, innit? And you turn it on, and it comes out, only it keeps coming out, like forever. And taps ain’t that big and water dunt get smaller when you squash it. Or maybe it does, but only a bit. So what I want to know is how you fit, like, a big lot of water into only a little bit of tap. Yeah? I try asking Sheeepa, the Indian bird, but she laughs at me like I’m makin’ a joke or sumfink. Stuck up f***ing bitch.


Tuesday

I’m in the Diary Room.

“Jade,” says Big Bruvver. “How do you feel about Shilpa?” I shrug. “The fing abaaht Shimpa, yeah, is that she’s a girl, right, but she dunt talk about farting or shagging and she dunt drink.” “Jade,” says Big Bruvver. “Is this a problem?” I snort. “Problem for her, innit? It’s like she’s well sheltered. She ain’t enjoying the finer fings in life. She ain’t ciliv

. . . ciphiph . . . cizal . . . ” “Civilised?” says Big Bruvver. “Yeah,” I say. “That’s the one.”


Wednesday

“I fink she should just go home,” says Danielle, who got famous by getting sacked from being Miss England for shagging a footballer, and is a well classy bird.

We’re naked in the hot tub, ’aving a competition to see who is best at burping out whatever song was playing on the car stereo when we each lost our virginities. We just invited Shoopa to join in, and she weren’t havin’ any of it. Made out like she was better than us, which musta looked pretty bad on the telly. That’s the thing about them foreigns, innit? They don’t know when they look stupid.



Thursday

The fing what I don’t get, yeah, is how come nobody else in the house realises I’m the most famous person here. What have they all done? There’s Jermaine Jackson, who’s only here coz of his brother, and Shrimpa, who might as well be from the Moon. If any of the others have ever done a fitness video, I ain’t seen it.


Friday

The fing what I don’t get, yeah, is how I can be a racistalist. Coz a racistalist, yeah, don’t like people coz of the colour of their skin. I coont give a monkey’s about Sherpa’s skin colour. I just don’t like ’er manners, cooking, clothes or the way she worships gods wiv all them arms. But what’s that got to do with racistalism? A normal person could do all that, and I wouldn’t like them either. So it aint got nuffink to do wiv Shampoo being a darky, alright?

“Jade,” says Big Bruvver, in a sort of tired voice. “You have been evicted. Please leave the Big Brother House.” “You what?” I say, startled. “Why?”

alan2525

The worst thing about this whole sorry Big Brother story...

...on the news they mentioned that the police had to sit through hours of Big Brother video footage looking for evidence...

I feel sorry for them - nobody should have to endure that!

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Bunkerbarge

It's even made the news over here. It is all a very very sad reflection of a lot of things wrong with our society today and why on earth the rubbish ever become popular in the first place is one of the most disturbing aspects.

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“Dirty British coaster with a salt-caked smoke stack, Butting through the Channel in the mad March days"

VooDoo

Very much so.

It also appear to be coming to light that Channel 4 and the production company have been editing for maximum effect, well it worked, they got more than they bargained for.

Greig

Bunkerbarge

That's sort of contrary to the philosophy of "Reality" TV isn't it!!!

VooDoo

Just a bit! There is a 30 minute broadcast delay and no-one stopped it going on air on the "live" shows either, then the summary shows it was all edited "IN" to maximise effect. Channel 4 i reckon are in a lot of bother.

Also looks like they have contacted the contestants at some point beyond what the viewers saw, which breaks their own rules for it.

( I only know this from the news shows )

Greig

porschenut

My Dad works on bigb brother, and he says they put Jade in for exactly thereason we all hate her. But i think that big brother is the biggest lump of trash on TV, but its a cheap way of filling their schedule. I was at the studio yesterday, and they transmit it all from a mobilw broadcasting truck. Aparently over 10million watched that episode of big brother. The biggest problem, is because its edited, they show somebits, and notthe rest, for example, when they filmed Shilpa saying she thought it wasnt rasist from Goodie, they asked her loads of questions trying to get that answer.
Euan
(My does lights for the live shows. he isn't a produer.)

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Capitalism has its ups and downs, David Bechams salary is a down point!

wonwinglo

I think the whole concept has backfired badly,why people watch this rubbish in the first place beats me ? one more reason why the dear old Fred Dibnah series was such a great success,what he did represented Britain as it was and the people who left us such a legacy of useful things,you can hardly say that about a bunch of people flung into a room and laying about for weeks aiming to get mega money for nothing,I think these reality shows have reached their sell by date.
Speaking of television programmes,did anyone see the excellent Rolf Harris 'A lifetime in Paint' programme last week ? what talent that man has,and above all what a well put together programme about his life.

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'And there I was oil on my goggles from a broken pipe,then I looked at the altimeter,all I could see was the makers name !'
www.wonwinglo.scale-models.net/

possm_23

as dumb as the whole thing was...i cant think of why any one would want to post it here either........

VooDoo

You mean me post the joke?

Greig