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COMPUTER DUMMIES

Take heart, anyone among you who believes he or she is technologically
challenged, you "ain't seen nuthin" yet. This is an excerpt from a
Wall Street Journal article:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key"
to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where
the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be
the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer
to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician
discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it
in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap
and water and soaking the keyboard.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The
tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid"
responses shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He
told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find
printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face
the printer but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get
her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was
plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed
the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot
pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the
computer's mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in
and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When
asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she
asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for
support "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in
the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said
to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user
hadn't realized that Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

10. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows."
The woman responded, No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a
good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a
window and his printer is working fine."

11. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at
the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the
screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".

TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."

CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"

TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"

__________________
'And there I was oil on my goggles from a broken pipe,then I looked at the altimeter,all I could see was the makers name !'
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