Funny Quotes

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Deleted member 5496

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Just love quotes.

So I will start great if you would add for just a bit of fun.

Laurie (blimey had the same problem)


My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.

Winston Churchill
 

Jon Heptonstall

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Not funny but rather inspired.
John Jervis 1at Earl St Vincent in a letter to the Board of Admiralty 1801 regarding a possible French invasion.

" I do not say,my Lords,that the French will not come.I say only that they will not come by sea. "

Jon.
 
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Deleted member 5496

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Not funny but rather inspired.
John Jervis 1at Earl St Vincent in a letter to the Board of Admiralty 1801 regarding a possible French invasion.

" I do not say,my Lords,that the French will not come.I say only that they will not come by sea. "

Jon.
1801: That is so very funny.
 

Airborne01

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Apparently Napoleon is reputed to have said "One can do anything with the bayonet -- except sit on it!"
Steve
 
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Bobby Conkers

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My favourite Churchills:

Churchill in the lavatory in the House of Commons. His secretary knocked on the door and said: "Excuse me Prime Minister, but the Lord Privy Seal wishes to speak to you." After a pause Churchill replied: "Tell His Lordship I'm sealed in my own privy and can only deal with one sh*t at a time."

(Possibly) Lady Astor MP accused Churchill in the Commons of being "disgustingly drunk". His reply - "My dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly."

And again possible, Lady Astor to Churchill: “If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.”
His reply: “If I were married to you, I’d drink it.”
 

Bobby Conkers

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I detest inspirational quotes with every fibre of my being, but I do like Henry Ford's "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got."

And of course, as a serious fan of Test Match Special, "The batsman's Holding the bowler's Willey".
 
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Andy the Sheep

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From "Blackadder goes forth":
"If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through"
"I know from long experience my men have the artistic talent of a cluster of colour blind hedgehogs in a bag"
and talking of sausages ;)
"...and the gubber had snitched a parcel sausage end and gone goose over stumps frog side".

From "100 Zen short stories"
"No theatre is Zen; Zen theatre, no."

and some fun for those over 50 (I'm in too...:smiling6:)
10327687.jpg
Andrea, already wearing his coat, hat, walking stick and gloves, heading for "The Drones".:smiling4:
 

CarolsHusband

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Not that this applies to any of us, I'm sure but......

" The secret of a good marriage is telling your wife she's beautiful even if she looks like a dump truck"

( a young school boy quote, apparently)
 

JR

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From "Blackadder goes forth":
"If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through"
"I know from long experience my men have the artistic talent of a cluster of colour blind hedgehogs in a bag"
and talking of sausages ;)
"...and the gubber had snitched a parcel sausage end and gone goose over stumps frog side".

From "100 Zen short stories"
"No theatre is Zen; Zen theatre, no."

and some fun for those over 50 (I'm in too...:smiling6:)
View attachment 445742
Andrea, already wearing his coat, hat, walking stick and gloves, heading for "The Drones".:smiling4:
Nearly woke up Management laughing at this Andrea.
" know from long experience my men have the artistic talent of a cluster of colour blind hedgehogs in a bag"
:smiling3::smiling3::smiling3::smiling3::smiling3::smiling3: nearly awarded a Dogs !
 
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